The Past Two Days

Calling the last two days emotionally charged would be like saying baby pandas are kinda cute - it would be an understatement.  :)

Wednesday, we set out to tour Kalli's orphanage and view her finding spot. (Oliver's original orphanage doesn't currently allow families to visit.) Upon entering, we were allowed to review her complete record, which contained more details than we had previously been given. Our guide read it to us since it was written in Chinese. Hearing her story read aloud brought stinging tears to my eyes. I desperately swallowed the growing lump in my throat to try and maintain composure.

The morning continued in its draining fashion as Kalli saw one of her primary caretakers.  Up to this point, anyone who reached out to hold her was quickly rejected.  But this special person in her life scooped her out of my arms before I could blink.  When it was time to go, I reached for my baby with hope, but confusion and misunderstanding had already set in.  Her crying ensued, much like a little lambs, intermingled with wrenching screams, heart-breaking at the least to hear the deep pain she felt.  The nanny seemed to want to take her back to offer comfort, but Jon and I made eye contact and a silent agreement that that would not be best.  We turned to leave, sort of officially closing this chapter of her life.

While it's difficult to console someone in a language they do not speak, she calmed down in about 30 minutes.

Later in the day, we visited the exact spot where she was found. At first, all I could manage was to briefly glance around, averting my eyes and heart from speculating about the unknown details. It pains me immensely to know my children will have questions . . . with no answers. I am so sorry, sweethearts. All we can focus on is what we do know - you were found! God did not allow this world's sin and failures to push you out, or allow you to be forgotten or disregarded. He brought you from the ashes, He called upon His children to come for you, and somehow, managed to move our stubborn hearts to action.

Blugh.  No actual words to articulate the day, just ugly noises derived from raw emotion.

Enter Thursday.  Our appointment at the U.S. Consulate.  We were told no photos or video, advised to be serious and get the business done.  We suppose the energy and rigidness of that type of environment was too much for Oliver, because he melted down instantaneously and continually.  The entire 1.5 or 2 hours we were there with no snacks or drinks.  Normally, you aren't there that long, but for a fun twist, the computers went down at the precise instant we were taking the final step!

Parental instinct, no, common sense, led us to forego any sightseeing after the trying morning, so we went back to our hotel.  That evening, we experienced our first 40 minute tantrum.  Whew!

I am reminded often through this journey that emotional turmoil, sleep deprivation, and physical exhaustion all deeply contribute to a worn spirit.  Not an easy road, but we are not complaining.  I have mentioned the book Orphanology before, and probably this particular thought from its pages:

"Did Jesus walk an easy path on this earth?  

Look at what He endured to adopt us into the family of God."

Even if every day were like the past two, we would take it.  DEFINITELY could not do it without the strength and comfort of our heavenly Father, and the earthly support from our astoundingly awesome family, church family, friends, and even a few strangers along the way.