Those are lyrics from a beautiful song called "King of My Heart", by Love & the Outcome. Life can be full of battles, can't it? I can easily recall the big wounds of my 36 years whose scars still sting just a bit as they flash before my mind. They make me cringe and I feel my stomach drop when I really mull over those memories.
Can you relate with me about those times when we cannot physically see the war raging, but can certainly feel them? This is where we have been the past couple of months - in the middle of a battle that causes a sinking feeling in my chest almost every day.
Let me just call it like it is: it's the enemy.
I'm not exactly sure just what has rubbed him the wrong way. It may be that he knows God has huge plans for our new little gal. When we first started reviewing her medical file, I was hesitant. While I absolutely adored her gentle nature and smile, she is almost 3 and unable to walk. I was not sure if we were prepared to handle the life-long implications of a child, and eventually an adult, in a wheelchair. I told my husband that if this child was able to walk someday, the family who adopted her was going to get to partake in a huge God-miracle. My amazing hubby said, "You have to take big leaps of faith to see big miracles." We do not know what God has in store for Hannah, but we are sure it's going to be beautiful.
Maybe he is frustrated with our persistance to DO something for God's glory in this world. Since God took us to El Salvador to aid orphanages and the homeless, we have not been content to just sit and feel "bad" about the atrocities in this world. We found our passion and we're running with it - sometimes it leaves us breathless, but most often it leaves us so fulfilled.
Or it might be the recent revelation we have had about the ministry God has been preparing us for our entire lives.
Every parent has a ministry. Every parent is discipling the children they are entrusted to raise, teaching them to grow into responsible and caring adults who make the world a better place. In the past several months, we have begun to realize that He intended for us to be parents of a large, adoptive family. You're thinking, "Ha! You just realized this? You have 7 kids - you ARE a large adoptive family!!" But as our adoption community friendships grow, we have discovered we are relatively small!! God has prepared our steps, our whole lives, for the passion He planted in our hearts for children and adoption, and given us abilities and circumstances to make all this happen. While I do expect it will be quite some time before we adopt again after Hannah, I know for sure it will happen. Our retirement years will probably not look like the typical American scenario of rest, relaxation, and travel. I envision us as parents with children the same age as our grandchildren!
Regardless of what fueled the fire of attacks, the enemy has been busy. He has wrecked paperwork, distorted first impressions, planted roadblocks, flipped-out electronic equipment, closed hearts, misled minds, kinked our finances, caused confusion, and threatened every single stage of our process so far. He has waited in the shadows, whispered, connived, and master-minded problems. Even our sweet kiddos have seemingly had targets on their backs.
The enemy preys on every doubt, worry, fear, and anxiety we have. He leaves us feeling beaten, exhausted, relentlessly drug down into a hole. If you're in the midst of an unseen battle, remember this wisdom from God's word:
Revelation 12:11: "And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death."
of his schemes."
And my favorite, Exodus 14:14 = "The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still."