Friday, June 13, 2014
LifeSong: Prepare for the Adoption Journey
Here is a link to a very brief starting point for those considering adoption:
http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/blog/2014/06/adoption-3-ways-to-prepare-for-the-journey/
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
Honeymoon at Home
There's no place like home.
Poignant words. It is beyond good to be back home after 18 days away. Saturday morning in China began twenty-six hours in airports or on airplanes, going through Customs at least twice, Immigration at least twice, and picking up our checked luggage and re-checking it twice. Exhausting, but by the grace of God, manageable. Our longest flight was 12.5 hours, and we could not have hoped it would go as well as it did! Kalli played with her seatbelt for at least an hour, and then proceeded to slowly and methodically rip every page out of a magazine for another hour! Oliver sat or slept in his seat the majority of the time, which is a miracle with his energy, and did not have a single temper tantrum on the planes. Thank you God!
We arrived at midnight and stayed awake until 2 a.m. Sunday! Who gave my children Miracle Grow while we were gone?! Everyone was full of excitement and curiosity as introductions of new siblings were made and a quick home tour was conducted. Oliver hugged everyone! He excitedly searched out his brother "Feddy", whom he had asked for every single time we were able to Skype from China. Since, he has forgotten his interest in his brother and been stuck-like-glue to Myley!
Note to Adoptive Families: Oliver loved seeing his photos up in our house as if he had always been there. Do this!
Kalli was shy and reserved at first, but has quickly found the delight in having so many playmates who want to give her their full attention. Freddy received the great honor of being the first in our family to receive a kiss from her. An unprompted one, I might add. Jon received his first Kalli kisses yesterday, Grace did today, and Momma still waits . . .
But that's okay. Most everything aside from sleep is going smoothly. Granted we are in the space known as the "honeymoon phase" in the adoption world. Enamored and in awe of their new brothers and sisters, no one is squabbling. Yet. I'm an optimist at heart, but not naïve enough to think this peaceful co-existence will last forever, lol! I do believe it gives them a good start at bonding. They are super cuteness together! Jon snapped this photo today of our little stair steps - 2, 3, 4, 5, and 9. We love that they are bundled up in unique packages with distinctly different personalities! God has given them all gifts and traits that we love and treasure, and it's such a blessing to see how He cultivates them as they grow.
When we arrived home, we were pleasantly surprised to find our pantry stocked with goods, overflowing onto our countertops!! Our church family and Sunday School class, Couples for Christ, not only arranged meals to be brought to our house for the next two weeks, but also contributed to the pantry packing. Our family and friends were part of that HUGE blessing, too! No worries about going to the grocery or what to fix to eat. Seriously, I don't think I could make it through the grocery store right now. Thank you dear, kind, and thoughtful family and friends for knowing how much we would need this expression of God's love through YOU!! Alright, I'm crying . . . better move on.
Sleep struggles abound, and it seems to be getting worse. Two to four hours of sleep in 24 hour periods = not good. The times when I start to nod off, but am awakened every 15 to 20 minutes, seem like torture. When you are in the middle of exhaustion piling up for days and are tempted with sleep, then denied it repeatedly, the feeling is wretched. I am pretty sure they use that as a torture tactic on prisoners of war. It's gotten to the point where I just cry out of total exhaustion, and I feel like I'm going to start puking at some point and not be able to stop. Seems so wimpy and weak to admit when I see it typed, but being in the middle of these moments and actually experiencing them, well, the feelings are what they are. I know many people go through similar ordeals when a new baby is born, or even working night shifts, and just dealing with insomnia. I have been wearing the same shirt for two days, cannot remember if I brushed my teeth yesterday, and quite frankly, I could care less. I just want sleep!!
From infancy to 18 years, I lived in the same house and had the same bedroom. Every now and then, I wake up thinking I am in my childhood room. As my mind clears through the fog of confusion, realizing which direction is which and where I am, it is so disorienting. I wonder if that is how little Kalli is feeling. After the first night home, she wakes up often during the night, wimpering or wailing in her half-asleep, half-awake state. I wonder what her little mind thinks of all these changes. I wonder how her little heart deals with all the fear and uncertainty. All we can do is pray God will give her a sense of security, and inner peace that her world is finally as it should be.
Oliver actually seems unphased, sleeping soundly through the night and naps. He is indiscriminately friendly, meaning he has never met a stranger! It's something we actually have to be cautious about, because it is harder to closely bond with someone who can be happy with anyone. We noticed with our guides in China, and when people stop by here at home, he almost always wants to leave with them. We are working diligently to teach him that he stays with Mommy and Daddy now, because we are a family. I hope it's not too much to ask for continued prayers for our newly formed family.
That's the recap. Actually, I was only able to write this because of the sleep deprivation, so at least I got something accomplished during this "honeymoon"!
Poignant words. It is beyond good to be back home after 18 days away. Saturday morning in China began twenty-six hours in airports or on airplanes, going through Customs at least twice, Immigration at least twice, and picking up our checked luggage and re-checking it twice. Exhausting, but by the grace of God, manageable. Our longest flight was 12.5 hours, and we could not have hoped it would go as well as it did! Kalli played with her seatbelt for at least an hour, and then proceeded to slowly and methodically rip every page out of a magazine for another hour! Oliver sat or slept in his seat the majority of the time, which is a miracle with his energy, and did not have a single temper tantrum on the planes. Thank you God!
We arrived at midnight and stayed awake until 2 a.m. Sunday! Who gave my children Miracle Grow while we were gone?! Everyone was full of excitement and curiosity as introductions of new siblings were made and a quick home tour was conducted. Oliver hugged everyone! He excitedly searched out his brother "Feddy", whom he had asked for every single time we were able to Skype from China. Since, he has forgotten his interest in his brother and been stuck-like-glue to Myley!
Note to Adoptive Families: Oliver loved seeing his photos up in our house as if he had always been there. Do this!
Kalli was shy and reserved at first, but has quickly found the delight in having so many playmates who want to give her their full attention. Freddy received the great honor of being the first in our family to receive a kiss from her. An unprompted one, I might add. Jon received his first Kalli kisses yesterday, Grace did today, and Momma still waits . . .
But that's okay. Most everything aside from sleep is going smoothly. Granted we are in the space known as the "honeymoon phase" in the adoption world. Enamored and in awe of their new brothers and sisters, no one is squabbling. Yet. I'm an optimist at heart, but not naïve enough to think this peaceful co-existence will last forever, lol! I do believe it gives them a good start at bonding. They are super cuteness together! Jon snapped this photo today of our little stair steps - 2, 3, 4, 5, and 9. We love that they are bundled up in unique packages with distinctly different personalities! God has given them all gifts and traits that we love and treasure, and it's such a blessing to see how He cultivates them as they grow.
Sleep struggles abound, and it seems to be getting worse. Two to four hours of sleep in 24 hour periods = not good. The times when I start to nod off, but am awakened every 15 to 20 minutes, seem like torture. When you are in the middle of exhaustion piling up for days and are tempted with sleep, then denied it repeatedly, the feeling is wretched. I am pretty sure they use that as a torture tactic on prisoners of war. It's gotten to the point where I just cry out of total exhaustion, and I feel like I'm going to start puking at some point and not be able to stop. Seems so wimpy and weak to admit when I see it typed, but being in the middle of these moments and actually experiencing them, well, the feelings are what they are. I know many people go through similar ordeals when a new baby is born, or even working night shifts, and just dealing with insomnia. I have been wearing the same shirt for two days, cannot remember if I brushed my teeth yesterday, and quite frankly, I could care less. I just want sleep!!
From infancy to 18 years, I lived in the same house and had the same bedroom. Every now and then, I wake up thinking I am in my childhood room. As my mind clears through the fog of confusion, realizing which direction is which and where I am, it is so disorienting. I wonder if that is how little Kalli is feeling. After the first night home, she wakes up often during the night, wimpering or wailing in her half-asleep, half-awake state. I wonder what her little mind thinks of all these changes. I wonder how her little heart deals with all the fear and uncertainty. All we can do is pray God will give her a sense of security, and inner peace that her world is finally as it should be.
Oliver actually seems unphased, sleeping soundly through the night and naps. He is indiscriminately friendly, meaning he has never met a stranger! It's something we actually have to be cautious about, because it is harder to closely bond with someone who can be happy with anyone. We noticed with our guides in China, and when people stop by here at home, he almost always wants to leave with them. We are working diligently to teach him that he stays with Mommy and Daddy now, because we are a family. I hope it's not too much to ask for continued prayers for our newly formed family.
That's the recap. Actually, I was only able to write this because of the sleep deprivation, so at least I got something accomplished during this "honeymoon"!
Thursday, June 5, 2014
The Past Two Days
Calling the last two days emotionally charged would be like saying baby pandas are kinda cute - it would be an understatement. :)
Wednesday, we set out to tour Kalli's orphanage and view her finding spot. (Oliver's original orphanage doesn't currently allow families to visit.) Upon entering, we were allowed to review her complete record, which contained more details than we had previously been given. Our guide read it to us since it was written in Chinese. Hearing her story read aloud brought stinging tears to my eyes. I desperately swallowed the growing lump in my throat to try and maintain composure.
The morning continued in its draining fashion as Kalli saw one of her primary caretakers. Up to this point, anyone who reached out to hold her was quickly rejected. But this special person in her life scooped her out of my arms before I could blink. When it was time to go, I reached for my baby with hope, but confusion and misunderstanding had already set in. Her crying ensued, much like a little lambs, intermingled with wrenching screams, heart-breaking at the least to hear the deep pain she felt. The nanny seemed to want to take her back to offer comfort, but Jon and I made eye contact and a silent agreement that that would not be best. We turned to leave, sort of officially closing this chapter of her life.
While it's difficult to console someone in a language they do not speak, she calmed down in about 30 minutes.
Later in the day, we visited the exact spot where she was found. At first, all I could manage was to briefly glance around, averting my eyes and heart from speculating about the unknown details. It pains me immensely to know my children will have questions . . . with no answers. I am so sorry, sweethearts. All we can focus on is what we do know - you were found! God did not allow this world's sin and failures to push you out, or allow you to be forgotten or disregarded. He brought you from the ashes, He called upon His children to come for you, and somehow, managed to move our stubborn hearts to action.
Blugh. No actual words to articulate the day, just ugly noises derived from raw emotion.
Enter Thursday. Our appointment at the U.S. Consulate. We were told no photos or video, advised to be serious and get the business done. We suppose the energy and rigidness of that type of environment was too much for Oliver, because he melted down instantaneously and continually. The entire 1.5 or 2 hours we were there with no snacks or drinks. Normally, you aren't there that long, but for a fun twist, the computers went down at the precise instant we were taking the final step!
Parental instinct, no, common sense, led us to forego any sightseeing after the trying morning, so we went back to our hotel. That evening, we experienced our first 40 minute tantrum. Whew!
I am reminded often through this journey that emotional turmoil, sleep deprivation, and physical exhaustion all deeply contribute to a worn spirit. Not an easy road, but we are not complaining. I have mentioned the book Orphanology before, and probably this particular thought from its pages:
"Did Jesus walk an easy path on this earth?
Look at what He endured to adopt us into the family of God."
Even if every day were like the past two, we would take it. DEFINITELY could not do it without the strength and comfort of our heavenly Father, and the earthly support from our astoundingly awesome family, church family, friends, and even a few strangers along the way.
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