It's time. You have a life-altering decision to make, and you are crying out for God to tell you which path is the right one. Maybe you know the right path, but something in your human nature is preventing you from choosing it.
If only God would push you, make you do the right thing.
But how could you have a relationship with anyone if you were a puppet on a string? Granted, you would do everything your master wanted you to do. If your puppet master wanted you to go left, you would go left. If they wanted you to jump, you would jump. But there would be no reciprocation of feelings, no expressions of love, no real relationship. I am intensely grateful that God did not design us this way. Without a doubt, He could have. But instead, He chose to give us free will and choices in life. That means we make mistakes, sometimes big ones, but hopefully those experiences deepen our relationship with Him as we learn. Hopefully, we strive to bounce back from our mistakes, living our lives serving and loving Him more fully than a puppet could possibly attempt.
We firmly believe that there are also times in our walk with Christ where He gives us two equally good choices. Equally "right", if you will. Both are morally correct, both can fulfill the commands and commission He has given us, and both will bring glory to God. No one will be hurt by either action, or misguided in their own walk with Christ. It may be, however, that He wants us to take the responsibility of choosing which path to take within the moral guidelines He has given us in His word, and further guidance from the Holy Spirit. This is the place where Jon and I have found ourselves in the past few months.
We have felt led from the beginning to adopt two children at the same time. Deciding if we could emotionally, physically, and financially care for two more children is cause for profound examination, but that's merely the tip of the iceberg. In addition, there is a GREAT deal of debate regarding whether or not it is in a child's best interest to be adopted at the same time as another unrelated child. Two less in an orphanage undoubtedly seems to be in the best interest of both children, but it is intensely more complicated than that. When a child has experienced the loss of their birthparents (even as infants) or suffered other abuse or trauma living in institutions, their physical and chemical development is affected. A loving, nurturing home can be provided, but these children can still have behaviors and problems that are a result of that initial trauma and/or loss. Even if a child is particularly resilient, there is still a transition period to be expected that can last weeks, or years. My explanation is sorely inadequate in detailing the complexities involved, but as you can imagine, bringing home two children at once is not a decision to be taken lightly. And we certainly have not taken it lightly.
We prayed and prayed for God to make His will known in this situation, we researched other families who have taken a similar path. I have found myself begging Him to just tell us what to do! It isn't that we do not want to carry responsibility for the decision, but there are potentially 5 little lives that could be affected, so we want to get it right. Oh how a crystal ball would be beneficial! :) We came to the point where we could wait no longer. There was a large questionnaire to be completed to ask our agency's approval, and of course, all the paperwork and process is affected if you are pursuing two adoptions simultaneously. When we did not get the 100% clear answer we were asking of God, we knew He was imparting the decision to us. One or two more children - either choice is morally correct, both fulfill His command to care for the fatherless, both bring glory to Him as He provides for these children. Our conclusion: we love children, we have room in our hearts and homes for more, and we were willing. At face value, there appear to be many sacrifices that will have to be made on the part of every member of our family. In the grand scheme of things, however, I'm sure we'll agree those "sacrifices" are not deserving of such a title.
Faith is an interesting thing. It's having confidence and trust in the Lord, without being able to see and without being able to hear the definitive answer for which we search. Believing without seeing, no crystal ball in our possession, but knowing our help comes from the Lord, we have requested to bring home two children. Our homestudy agency and immigration have authorized us for two; we are waiting on the final approval from our placement agency who works directly with China. We shall see what's in store. In the meantime, we are grateful to be children of God feeling the ebb and flow of our relationship with Him, no strings attached.
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