For the most part, adoption is viewed as a beautiful event. It is definitely amazing, but we look at it from the perspective of the adoptive family. When you consider adoption from the perspective of the child, at least initially, it can actually be a traumatic event.
From the perspective of a child who has lived their entire life in an institution, they don't conceive any other reality. In their world, things are as they should be. The Bible indicates that God designed us to have love and companionship in our lives, and we all have an innate desire to be part of a unit - a family. But for the 2-year-old in an orphanage, what is a family? Simply put, it is the children living with them (who may come and go), and typically very few caretakers in an understaffed environment. Little contact is made outside of the orphanage walls. This is not what God intended for His precious creation, but it is all the children know.
Imagine you have spent your entire life in one structure. Rarely, if ever, have you gone anywhere outside this home. One day, strangers come and remove you from the only place you have ever known. While these strangers appear kind, they are kidnapping you from your "family". You would be scared and uncertain. It would rock your existence! Things would be further complicated when these strangers expose you to over-stimulating environments.
A myriad of vibrant colors and buildings.
Sweet aromas. Stinky smells. Unfamiliar scents engulf you.
More people than you knew existed walk, run, ride bikes, fly by in cars.
Loud sounds. Soft noises. Coming from all directions.
So many new things converging at once!
Next, they take you on a giant airplane, the likes of which you have never seen, much less ridden inside. You are there for hours. The people tell you they are taking you to your new home. When you exit the plane, the people look very different from you. They are speaking another language. You are driven to a house that seems warm and inviting, but still distinctly new and unnerving. More and more strangers come to see you and want to give you hugs, kisses, and more toys than you have ever played with. What is going on?
What about when the new family suddenly drops you off at another location and leaves you, such as a daycare or nursery? You wouldn't know if they were going to return or leave you!
Can you even fathom trying to make sense of this situation? Especially as a child?
When many adoptive families arrive home with their new child, they often spend several weeks in isolation of sorts. Trying to limit all the "new" and help their kiddo adjust. One of the specific things we will likely do is help our children transition to being in the nursery at church. Resources suggest spending several weeks in the nursery with your child, then practicing leaving for short periods of time, gradually increasing your absence to help the child understand you always come back.
The concepts of "forever family" are likely impossible for a small child to understand. As parents, we are going to implement as many suggestions as are feasible to support Oliver and Kalli's transition into their new lives. There will be times when you may think we're over-protective or just plain weird, but hopefully viewing a glimpse from their tiny eyes will change your mindset.
Our sweet trio already at home will need to adjust as well. Prayer is IMPERATIVE in supporting both our new children and our resident children deal with the unfamiliar. We are praying God gives them a supernatural understanding and sense that our freshly-formed family is exactly the way it is supposed to be. We pray for peace and joy to overflow in their little hearts.
*In our quest to advocate for orphans, we thought it would be helpful to share some of the realities of adoption. This is the first of our "Did You Know" series to highlight aspects of the process that many people have never before considered. One of the prerequisites of adopting, at least in our experience, was adoption education. China has a requirement of 12 hours of training and study, and our agency additionally specifies each parent read three books and complete book reports. Incredibly eye-opening to say the least, even the second time around. We are certainly not experts, just sharing some poignant points we have discovered.
