When adopting two children at the same time from China, the second child you are matched with must be on a list called "Special Focus". Special Focus children have more moderate to severe special needs, they might be older children, or they simply have been waiting for their family an extended period of time. In our situation, the first child we were matched with came from the Special Focus list. Sweet Oliver had been waiting so long, two and a half years, and so he was designated SF. That meant (we thought) that our second child would be on the list of children with mild special needs. This was our comfort zone considering we were moving to five children! Should've known God's plans would involve being out of our comfort zone - those are the times we have always been blown away by His power and grown exponentially in our relationship with Him.
Sometime in December, we discovered that the Chinese welfare agency was mandating that the second child you are matched with come from SF, regardless of whether your first child was or not. Unfortunately, the only little girls on the SF list at that time had major special needs we felt unprepared to tackle. Thus began our massive search for our daughter.
Many SF children are assigned to specific adoption placement agencies for a certain period of time. The benefit to having children assigned to specific agencies is that the children are actively advocated for. Each agency has a smaller, specific set of children's files that they can show are living, breathing human beings with all sorts of personality quirks. They bring life to the photos and medical jargon!
As we quickly discovered, the downfall to having children assigned to specific agencies is that the majority of adoption agencies DO NOT share their files. This means that if we would like to see the complete file of a child who is not currently assigned to our agency, it's pretty much too bad! We found this heartbreaking in many ways. Specifically, we tried to adopt Oliver's BFF at Bethel. Even though we were the first in "line" to ask for her file with complete certainty we would move ahead to adopt her, we were not with the agency to which she was assigned. We understand they have a responsibility to the families they are working with, but when you have someone definitively prepared to adopt a child and no one at your agency is reviewing that file, the concern should be first and foremost for the child. Although this was a particularly difficult blow, we are happy to report that little sweetheart does have a family adopting her. Thankfully, a family with the agency to whom she was assigned is moving forward. Thankfully, she isn't left waiting.
There were probably in the neighborhood of 10 to 20 other little girls whom we inquired about to no avail. We weren't with the agency who had their files. If we waited until the advocacy timeframes for those agencies ended, it meant Oliver would likely have to wait months because we are only traveling once to bring both children home. We weren't willing to make him wait. Families are allowed to switch agencies, but we could not because we had already been matched with Oliver through Madison Adoption Associates. (We wouldn't have wanted to switch anyway - we love Madison!!)
Through this time, God was stretching our comfort zone. Originally we had specified a daughter approximately 2 years old or younger. The realization that this was unimportant came through this experience. Our special needs checklist, where each family checks what conditions they are willing to accept, was broadening as our hearts opened and our knowledge expanded.
We came across a 4-year-old girl who is also at Bethel with Oliver. She had a heart condition that had been surgically corrected, cataracts that had been removed but still left her with low vision, and she is deaf. While she was listed with another agency who had received inquiries about her, it was our understanding there was not a family currently looking at her file. After researching the resources available to us for her care, we were ready to bring her home and determined to fight. Our agency contacted the other agency, an advocate contacted them, and we contacted them. No. No. No. They were not willing to release her file to our agency until roughly March. How is that in the best interest of this child?! When did they forget to be passionate about her having a family??? Frustrating, heart-breaking, to say the least. Our fight was fruitless. We made a decision to advocate for this little girl, and hope we have many details to share down the road about this beautiful and amazing child.
Then something crazy happened. Two hours after our phone conversation with Lifeline, our agency sent us a referral for a little girl named Henna! After all the searching, were we actually going to be placed in a position where we had to choose? We could not bear the thought of that. We have shed so many tears looking at the pictures and videos of these children, wondering who will have the family they deserve and who will be left to wait. To have to choose, knowing one could be left waiting the rest of their lives, was entirely too painful.
Our local pediatrician and a doctor specializing in international adoption file review looked over Henna's medical diagnosis. We spent several days in prayer. Sunday night, we decided if the morning came and there was still no decision from the family at Lifeline, we were ready to move ahead with Henna. Yesterday we accepted her referral, which means she is our daughter!! Find more about her on this blog post: "Hudson, Party of SEVEN!!"
Meanwhile, we are still praying for the little girl at Lifeline with autism. We pray the family still considering bringing her home says YES! We continue to pray for a family for the sweet one at Bethel who is deaf. Will you pray for these girls, too?
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