Here We GROW Again!

Details.  Everyone wants details about our decision to adopt again.  The problem is I cannot fully recollect how we arrived where we are today!  :)

I remember the beginnings of the surreal conversations initiated by Jon about adopting again.  So odd.  Those talks were completely unexpected.  Neither of us could have fathomed going down this path again, yet amazingly, we both just knew.

Still weary from the last fundraising/paperwork/red tape/emotionally-up-and-down process, there was definitely shock on our part.  But from the beginning of our prayers and thoughts about starting again, there was no doubt this was God's plan.

I vaguely recall computer research and phone calls, determining if we can even qualify this time.  (That is an ongoing prayer request, because we are asking for an exception to the income requirement.)

What I do remember is the moment Jon showed me the faces of two precious sisters in Taiwan.  Two sisters whose faces still bring tears to my eyes and tug at our hearts.  Ultimately, we were not approved to adopt them due to the number of children we already have.  So the roller coaster ride of emotions that are inevitable in adoption started immediately.  Despite our brokenness and disappointment in the decision regarding the sisters, we have to trust God has a plan for those girls, and someone is going to respond to His call and bring them home.  *Someone with less than 3 children at home.  You can read more at the bottom of this post.

That hits the main points of the past months.  After continued prayer and discussion, we are moving to adopt again through China's special needs program for a daughter or daughters somewhere in the age range of 6 to 9.  As we did with each previous adoption, we explored all the options available, including the foster care system and other countries.  Only God knows the exact reasoning, but He has placed a burden on our hearts for children in orphanages. 

This whole thing is crazy . . . yet it isn't.  The daunting task of paperwork and fundraising make me want to puke.  Seriously.  It's scary in a hundred different ways, but we're okay with that.  Here we grow again!!


*The orphanage assigned to find their family prefers adoptive families with no more than 3 children at home.  They claim they will allow exceptions in the case of older children or sibling adoptions, and these girls are both at almost 8 and 9 years old.  A few large families before us had been turned down, but we did not let that waiver our commitment.  There was a great flurry of effort on our part to adopt these girls.  It took a while, but we found an agency who worked with us to implore the Taiwanese orphanage to allow our family an exception. At the point where at least three families before us were turned down, we kept fighting.  Long story short, the orphanage said "no".  This from the orphanage who has these girls in two separate foster homes, one with 8 total people living in the home and the other with 7.  This from the orphanage who sent these girls for a 2-week visit to America through a hosting program to advocate for their adoption, and placed them with a family larger than our own.  The host family has at least three children/grandchildren who are almost the same ages as three of ours, and the girls THRIVED!!  Please pray for these sweethearts.  If you would like information on the beautiful Taiwanese sisters who need their forever family, PLEASE contact me!! 

My Humble Opinion on Fundraising for Adoption

You have to be rich to adopt.
 
During our first adoption process, that is the firm opinion I formed.  Down in the trenches, working to raise thousands of dollars, I would look at families who had adopted more than once and I just could not figure it out.  They had to be rich.
 
Fast-forward to the present, where we have added a second and third child to our family through adoption.  I now realize the error of my early thoughts.  Yes, adoption is expensive whether you pursue the domestic or international route.  No, you do not have to be rich.  Our family is living proof that finances are just an excuse.
 
Our Bible has commanded us to care for orphans.  For those who are eligible to adopt, the financial requirement can be astounding.  I assume that most families do not have that amount of money sitting around.  While I am a HUGE proponent of saving for the things you need/want, adoption is different.  When you make the decision to follow God's call to adopt, there is no time to waste. 
 

Millions of children sit and wait. 

 

Do we let them sit on, growing older and therefore considered less "adoptable" while we try to save for the process?  No!  We jump to action, humbling ourselves to admit we need help, and allowing others in our lives and communities to participate in the calling to care for the fatherless.  After all, not everyone can qualify to adopt with all the requirements for age/medical history/marital life/etc.  If you are ineligible to adopt, should you sit idly by and ignore the orphan crisis?  No!  You find opportunities to help families with the ridiculous costs for the most un-ridiculous of events - giving a child the family they deserve!

 

Some go so far to say that if you were pregnant, you wouldn't be going around asking for money to help with your impending delivery expenses.  No you wouldn't, but having a baby (with or without insurance), and adopting without any support are two entirely different things.  If you are about to give birth and go to a hospital, they won't demand all the money BEFORE you can have the baby.  As you check into the ER, the receptionist will not say, "Either pay up front or hold that baby in!"  LOL!  Once the baby is born, there is no problem taking the baby home, even if you have not cleared your account.  And payments can be arranged! 

 

In adoption, you have to pay the fees as you go.  If you do not have the funds, you either wait until you do (causing additional fees down the road if some of your documents go beyond time restrictions), or if you have been matched, risk losing your child!  Can you imagine giving birth in the hospital and preparing to leave with your bundle of joy, only to find that if you cannot pay your hospital bill in its entirety they will take the child from you until someone else comes along to pay the expenses!?!!

 

As an adoptive family, where are you left if you do not have thousands sitting in the bank? 

  1) Grant applications.  The one drawback to those is the uncertainty.  Many families apply, and funds are limited. 

  2) Jobs.  As we brainstormed possibilities to finance our recent adoptions, we contemplated putting our children in public school and finding a full-time job for me.  Besides denying a calling in my life (homeschooling), it was a pretty fruitless idea.  Even with my Bachelor's Degree, the likelihood of finding a position, paying gas and childcare expenses, and being able to earn what we needed for the adoption was slim.  I was, however, able to take on three part-time jobs devoted entirely to adoption expenses.

  3) Sell stuff.  When you are desperately trying to bring a new little life home, you find so much of what used to be important is no longer desired. 

  4) Loans.  There are interest-free and low-interest loans available for adoption. 

  5) Adoption Tax Credit.  I used to believe families should take the tax credit into consideration when raising funds, basically subtracting it from their total estimated expenses.  As the tax credit is now administered, however, that is a risky gamble for families to take.  It's based upon your tax liability.  In our case, our income for the year is so low that the taxes we owe are very minimal.  We will not be able to receive the full amount of the adoption tax credit.  Thankfully it can reduce your tax liability over a period of 6 years, so our hope is that it will be enough to pay back our two adoption loans.

  6) Fundraise.  Find services or products you can offer/make.  Utilize fundraisers at local businesses and restaurants.  This is an opportunity to engage others, giving them a chance to do something, too!  God is right there with you, calling others to help in specific ways.  Ask for the help you need.  Relinquish the "control" you try to have over the situation.  It's hard, it can be embarrassing, and boy is it humbling.  It shouts to the world that you, by yourself, are unable to accomplish this task the Lord has given you.  It takes any glory and puts it in its proper place - at the feet of our God who deserves it all. 
 

Two points of advice I have when fundraising.  First, don't rely on human beings.  You definitely set yourself up for disappointment if you rely on certain people to be supportive of your efforts.  Even if you have been supportive to their cause in the past, it does not mean they will be there for you.  Again, this is God's plan, not yours, and He will provide through those who are part of it.  Second, stop worrying.  If you are feeling like everyone cringes at the thought of another fundraiser from you and your family, take heart and realize others have more compassion than you may give them credit.  Friends and family know that no one expects them to participate in every single fundraiser.  Trust me, you learn to trust God more than ever through this refining process.  And truly if someone is annoyed by your fundraising efforts, I suggest it's likely God is working something in their lives.  Just let them un-follow your facebook newsfeed, and pray for them. :) 

 

For what it's worth, that's my opinion!

 
 
* I realize the majority of friends and families are comfortable and supportive of efforts in the adoption process.  I started this entry as my sister-in-law came across yet another discouraging blog refuting fundraising.  There are an abundance of blogs with negative opinions regarding fundraising for adoption, so I wanted to put another source of encouragement out there for families in the adoption process who have to fundraise.  There is compassion for you in this journey.  At the end of the day, each family has different life circumstances over which to pray and decide what the right path is for them.  Ignore the critics as best you can, and trust in Gods plan!