Saturday, March 22, 2014

Did You Know . . . Adoption Can Be Traumatic? (Series, 1 of _ )

Did you know . . . adoption can be grievous to a child?

For the most part, adoption is viewed as a beautiful event.  It is definitely amazing, but we look at it from the perspective of the adoptive family.  When you consider adoption from the perspective of the child, at least initially, it can actually be a traumatic event.

From the perspective of a child who has lived their entire life in an institution, they don't conceive any other reality.  In their world, things are as they should be.  The Bible indicates that God designed us to have love and companionship in our lives, and we all have an innate desire to be part of a unit - a family.  But for the 2-year-old in an orphanage, what is a family?  Simply put, it is the children living with them (who may come and go), and typically very few caretakers in an understaffed environment.  Little contact is made outside of the orphanage walls.  This is not what God intended for His precious creation, but it is all the children know.

Imagine you have spent your entire life in one structure.  Rarely, if ever, have you gone anywhere outside this home.  One day, strangers come and remove you from the only place you have ever known.  While these strangers appear kind, they are kidnapping you from your "family".  You would be scared and uncertain.  It would rock your existence!  Things would be further complicated when these strangers expose you to over-stimulating environments. 

A myriad of vibrant colors and buildings. 

Sweet aromas.  Stinky smells.  Unfamiliar scents engulf you.

More people than you knew existed walk, run, ride bikes, fly by in cars. 

Loud sounds.  Soft noises.  Coming from all directions. 

So many new things converging at once! 

Next, they take you on a giant airplane, the likes of which you have never seen, much less ridden inside.  You are there for hours.  The people tell you they are taking you to your new home.  When you exit the plane, the people look very different from you.  They are speaking another language.  You are driven to a house that seems warm and inviting, but still distinctly new and unnerving.  More and more strangers come to see you and want to give you hugs, kisses, and more toys than you have ever played with.  What is going on?

What about when the new family suddenly drops you off at another location and leaves you, such as a daycare or nursery?  You wouldn't know if they were going to return or leave you!

Can you even fathom trying to make sense of this situation?  Especially as a child? 

When many adoptive families arrive home with their new child, they often spend several weeks in isolation of sorts.  Trying to limit all the "new" and help their kiddo adjust.  One of the specific things we will likely do is help our children transition to being in the nursery at church.  Resources suggest spending several weeks in the nursery with your child, then practicing leaving for short periods of time, gradually increasing your absence to help the child understand you always come back.

The concepts of "forever family" are likely impossible for a small child to understand.  As parents, we are going to implement as many suggestions as are feasible to support Oliver and Kalli's transition into their new lives.  There will be times when you may think we're over-protective or just plain weird, but hopefully viewing a glimpse from their tiny eyes will change your mindset. 

Our sweet trio already at home will need to adjust as well.  Prayer is IMPERATIVE in supporting both our new children and our resident children deal with the unfamiliar.  We are praying God gives them a supernatural understanding and sense that our freshly-formed family is exactly the way it is supposed to be.  We pray for peace and joy to overflow in their little hearts.

*In our quest to advocate for orphans, we thought it would be helpful to share some of the realities of adoption.  This is the first of our "Did You Know" series to highlight aspects of the process that many people have never before considered.  One of the prerequisites of adopting, at least in our experience, was adoption education.  China has a requirement of 12 hours of training and study, and our agency additionally specifies each parent read three books and complete book reports.  Incredibly eye-opening to say the least, even the second time around.  We are certainly not experts, just sharing some poignant points we have discovered.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

The Only Piece Missing Is You

News arrived yesterday that one of our final three grant applications was turned down.  There were 15 altogether that we applied for, as well as two interest-free loans.  Although we thought our fundraising was complete, we have $11,000 remaining, so we thought we would try one last option.  Will you please be a piece of this puzzle?
 
Literally, this is a Puzzle Fundraiser! 
It is as simple as sponsoring a puzzle piece for $5! 
This is the beautiful 1000 piece custom puzzle that is being made:
Each of the 1,000 pieces can be sponsored for $5. For example, a $5 donation sponsors 1 piece, a $20 donation sponsors 4 puzzle pieces, and a $50 donation sponsors 10 puzzle pieces. When you donate, your name will be written on the back of each piece you have sponsored. This puzzle will then be displayed in our home with double-sided glass so that we can always see who helped bring our kiddos home. 

You can donate through Paypal simply by going into your account and sending money as a gift to family/friends to hudsonhome@bellsouth.net.  If it's withdrawn from your checking account, neither you nor we will pay a fee.  You could also give it to us in person or send a check payable to one of us to:  750 Nuckols OBC Rd, Calhoun, Ky 42327.

Grace has decided to buy the very first puzzle piece. 
Amazing big sister, she has already made cards and bookmarks along the way to help us raise money.  :)

Originally we thought the adoption tax credit would be a huge help in offsetting our expenses.  Unfortunately, with Jon's job change and income loss, and the tax credit being changed, we will likely only be able to take advantage of enough of the credit to pay back ONE of our loans. 

Yuck.

So you see, we have much praying to do, and one final fundraiser.  The only piece missing is you!


UPDATED 5/12/14
Amazingly, 705 pieces have been sponsored!!  Family, friends, and strangers have poured generous support into our family, raising $3525!!!!

 

Where God Guides, He Provides

"And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:19

Reading this verse reminds us that where God guides, He provides.  When He has led you to do something that brings glory and honor to Him, He is going to see you through and equip you with what you need.  "Needs" and "wants" are regularly confused in our society.  Sometimes we think God is not providing when He should be.  Chances are, it probably is not a true need or it's going to give glory to the wrong person.

I love the song by Lindsay McCaul called "Take My Hand".  When reflecting on Peter's journey in the book of Matthew where he stepped out to walk on water and meet Jesus amongst the waves (Matthew 14:22-33), she wrote this song.  It's about the moments God calls us to specific action, and we start on our pursuit with bravery and strength.  But as soon as we realize how inadequate we are, that a situation is out of our control, or that we cannot orchestrate any of the events to achieve our goal, we begin sinking.  Part of the lyrics say:

                                        You're telling me that faith is all I need,
                                        but FEAR is all that I can find in me.
                                        Didn't you know that I'd be scared?
                                        Couldn't you see I was unprepared?
                                        I'm not asking for reasons you hold, or the safety of land,
                                        I just need you to take my hand.

We want to praise our heavenly Father for holding our hands down this adoption path.  When tremendous adversity has materialized and we have found only fear in ourselves, He has made His presence known.  A month after beginning our process, Jon had to change jobs for medical reasons and our income was cut in half.  Yet we have exactly enough to pay our bills.

A goal of $43,000 for adoption costs can be ignored momentarily, but once your savings is dramatically cut-off, the enormity of that figure is paralyzing.  But look where He has brought us!  We have earned/saved/fundraised or been given/granted/loaned almost $32,000!!!  We are experiencing exceptional generosity.  Family and friends have been crazy supportive, and it just keeps amplifying.  Jon has a family member who participated in one of our fundraisers, and now continues to send us a check every few weeks.  Anonymous donors have given another $109 on Oliver's Reece's Rainbow account. The two part-time jobs I have taken on have contributed an additional $1250, and I was also able to have an Origami Owl fundraiser for another organization along the way!

A home built to accommodate a family of four has blossomed to comfortably hold seven without any remodeling or construction.  The extra beds we have needed have been built by my oh-so-talented hubby!  A new friend gave us a car seat for Kalli that is in excellent condition, and we were able to use coupons and discounts to get a sweet deal on a car seat for Oliver.  Two girlfriends from church gave us goodies to keep Kalli clothed all summer long.

Responding to God's calling does not mean the trek will be easy, but we are especially grateful to serve a God who loves us as His children.  He holds our hands, guides us, is remarkably patient, and never stops giving us second chances.  I'm going to close with the words from another song, this one by Nichole Nordeman:

What kind of love,
would take your shame
and spill His blood
for you,
and save us by His wounds.
 
Thank you heavenly Father for your love, guidance, and provision!